Saturday, October 8, 2016
Be Truthful to your WORTH.
Be truthful to your worth.
After, almost 25 years of literally living and understanding myself I definitely know, self-sabotage is a characteristic you must get rid of before it brings you to your knees. Yes, of course being knocked down is the temporary feeling you must actually feel. It's usually those questions you ask, once you get fired from a job, you hear a couple NO's, and I mean we all don't like to hear ''NO. '' The one project/idea you had didn't actually manifest itself. So, it gets you down, and sad and literally thinking, ''Am I not good enough? what did I do? what could I have done ?'' EVERYONE QUIT! It's going to be just fine. You are doing great and should continue doing what you are doing. Stop thinking about the what if's, and challenge yourself to do better with whatever you have going on next. If I had let those jobs or my thoughts get me down, I wouldn't be the person I am today. My first job was when I was probably 15 years of age - granted with my parents permission. I was working with a Realtor who had me work as a self-contractor and to refinance those homes that all got taken away in 2009 by the banks. To be honest, I had no idea what it meant to refinance but I was doing my daily duties. I also didn't know at 15 years of age, I had to pay my own taxes! WHAT?Although, because real estate did crash and anything with real estate crashed as well, the guy had to lay me off. I didn't see it so much as a defeat. I thought of it as a lesson in my life. As a 15 year old, I was working and learning about well something that seriously did change the lives of many. But, if I had not taken the job, it would never made my timeline. It wouldn't have made that crash so significant to me, but it did. By 17, I had 2 more jobs under my belt, also early college classes. I was getting paid under the table by a owner that was definitely someone I would never be. Nor, would ever treat my employees in the manner he did. But, I definitely gained friends outside school who weren't exactly people I'd socialize with or thought I'd even get along with. I went and actually experienced the 'straight edge life.'' My coworkers were all friends' outside work and they even made themselves a band! Epic, right? They were called, ''Electric Hearts.'' Thus, being till this day, I respect them for allowing someone that they thought, wouldn't like what they like experience it with them. I got a chance to see an inside life of how others spend their weekend. I ended up quitting on the spot one day after I heard way passed my limit, called the manager and said, ''You should get someone here before I leave. (Of Course, I waited for my other coworker to arrive, gave my spare to them, and continued on with life.) I still go to the Sherman Oaks Galleria, which I happen to pass by, the shop and sadly it's now closed. IRS does catch up to everyone, once they're hungry! I made a lot of friends though they were not close in my age and way older. I found a new respect for the guy who enjoyed his time alone eating or going to the movies alone. Which became an inside joke, ''Who goes to the movies alone?'' I found a respect for every employee that came to our shop from either side. It's for like a year ; they were family. I mean, I was literally working until maybe 1-2 am on weekend nights. Nevertheless, valued the time and spending it with the people I worked with. It was enjoyable, to meet new faces, to see new faces who became my regular people I'd see on a certain day, and usually had the most epic conversations. Oh, and the occasional TMZ staff that would ask if I could call them when I've seen a ''celebrity.'' It gave me so much responsibility, so much to do - so little time kind of scenario. It didn't hurt that I paid my way with sweets, to the most thankful staff that was taking care of my 70 hours of detention - in time to go to prom and graduate on stage. God knows, I had a bunch of serious doubters. I didn't play a game with graduating or going to prom - I had a lot of people to prove wrong. I remember you know, going to school everyday, paying attention, doing my work, loving my classes - talking to everyone about the weekend I had, I kid you not - everyone was so intrigued. One thing I know, if I didn't let those doubters doubt me - I wouldn't have that fire in me to get do what I had to do - to get on that stage of Granada. By then - I did have an opportunity as in overworked intern in the Public Relations department of Entertainment. I loved that that experience as well too - although, I was like everyone's mother. I got to meet people that I speak to regularly till today who work in that field. A lot of good memories. I hold everlasting respect for you, you, you and you - so much smoking mirrors in Los Angeles.
Protected by ghts?
Okay.. I'm a blogger, I'm a socializer, I'm the person who is the one probably talking about what's lawfully right and what is lawfully wrong. Yeah, I know a few things about the laws.. Whether it being labor laws or city laws. I think the only reason I would even think about getting into become anything that involves the law is to bite back... I've paid my dues, more than 25k in tickets, court and dmv, just to be told you have to do this that and the third to drive a damn automobile. I rather take the train or really walk anywhere, because honestly... not worth the headache. But, while walking.. I trip over the broken pavement, excuse me.. but wthell, where is all my money towards the city going if it's not helping the city. I'm in the most pain ever, like knees, lower back, shoulders and neck. I'm not made of titanium. But, God knows that I have two working legs to move and grove . Until, I'm six feet under - I will humbly take a bus, walk, take a train and love the sites I see. This is my journey, plus who wants to deal with DMV every year. I'll pass the headache and the time wasted on enjoying the different faces I see. But , I'll always have my license. In case I ever decide to drive anyone's car. But on a serious note LA is overpopulated with automobiles, just to get over to the other side the valley. I've self- taught myself how to drive at 15.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
''Any people with a history are a people with passion.''
It's better not to need or to have at the expense of someone else.
Thank you Najeeb.
February 18, 2015.
One of my many flaws I possibly have is being that person that trust another easily, I trust with everything in my heart. Though, I have seen the black souls of those whom are the most money hungry, manipulative and out of their mind types. I can not see any harm in doing any damage to their life. For my dearest Dad and Uncle, who tell me continuously - ''Don't worry, keep that all out of your mind.'' As much as I would love to not think a day about the past, as you know. I am the worry-type, the nurturing type, you know the type that would spend decades on fixing what went wrong into something right. Thank you to my mother dearest - I get that from her. Last year, was unpredictable as I entered and swam with sharks for a month or two. I allowed manipulative situations get the best of me. I let people get the best of me. I let the wrong people in while pushing away the others. In the end, I decided to say final goodbye to all of those who entered and put my life in harms way. Though, I may decide to forgive you, allowing you people back in my life is just an absolute - NO NO NO. Turning 24, I am completely blessed and fortunate to be on God's green earth. I've missed death more than 3 times. I've felt death as my friend almost overdosed next to me and I've been to one too many grave sites. I decided to enter 2015 not kneeling at the grave site of a family friend's daughter losing her fight to cancer. Call me what you'd like, but I refused to see death in the beginning of 2015. Although, it brought tears to my eyes as I think about it tonight. I haven't blogged since of March of 2014. But, regardless thank you to the 700 people who have taken an interest in my blogs. I've been a blogger since xanga days, which made it possible to keep in contact with my middle school friends while I was overseas. It's been a challenging year but nevertheless - but what's life without a bit of stress? I was talking to my friend of many years, who came just came back from Hawaii just for the Grammy's and flies back to Dubai because he just got the green light on his movies. He asked me to become a ''co-producer.'' I kindly declined, after how much he said I would make. Money turns people dark, unhappy, ungrateful and soul-less. He remembered everything about anything I've told him and surely I can say, I hardly remember what I spoken to him about. I apologize if you end up reading this but you gave me an insight on what I should look into a friend, how loyalty and trust is earned and friendship should never be about give and take. I've been acquaintances with a whole lot of people but to call people friends, whom I love without any question - would be only family. Then, it would be the extended family. I care about those acquaintances, but caring about the draining type of people- I just can't. I've realized, I've drained myself for caring for those who drain themselves of the booze, the drugs and so much more. I've been partying since I was 15 so for me those days are way over for me. It's weird, I feel on vibes more than anything, so when I'm around you and your vibe and it is coming at me at such level I can't seem to be more than uninterested in your story telling crap. Instead, take a walk, breathe a little, scream a little into your pillow and remember, you won't ever have it as bad as others do have it on the side of world. I've had the pleasure to meet people who've came to America and still solely take of their family in another continent. For just being able to meet these type of people, I am more than humbled and extremely impressed for all that you are and for that you will achieve. I'm not perfect and I've wandered here and there but if you're judging- please take a step back and look at your own flaws. Anyways, just an update - I'm okay, I'm more than okay. I'm alive.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
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