It's better not to need or to have at the expense of someone else.
Thank you Najeeb.
February 18, 2015.
One of my many flaws I possibly have is being that person that trust another easily, I trust with everything in my heart. Though, I have seen the black souls of those whom are the most money hungry, manipulative and out of their mind types. I can not see any harm in doing any damage to their life. For my dearest Dad and Uncle, who tell me continuously - ''Don't worry, keep that all out of your mind.'' As much as I would love to not think a day about the past, as you know. I am the worry-type, the nurturing type, you know the type that would spend decades on fixing what went wrong into something right. Thank you to my mother dearest - I get that from her. Last year, was unpredictable as I entered and swam with sharks for a month or two. I allowed manipulative situations get the best of me. I let people get the best of me. I let the wrong people in while pushing away the others. In the end, I decided to say final goodbye to all of those who entered and put my life in harms way. Though, I may decide to forgive you, allowing you people back in my life is just an absolute - NO NO NO. Turning 24, I am completely blessed and fortunate to be on God's green earth. I've missed death more than 3 times. I've felt death as my friend almost overdosed next to me and I've been to one too many grave sites. I decided to enter 2015 not kneeling at the grave site of a family friend's daughter losing her fight to cancer. Call me what you'd like, but I refused to see death in the beginning of 2015. Although, it brought tears to my eyes as I think about it tonight. I haven't blogged since of March of 2014. But, regardless thank you to the 700 people who have taken an interest in my blogs. I've been a blogger since xanga days, which made it possible to keep in contact with my middle school friends while I was overseas. It's been a challenging year but nevertheless - but what's life without a bit of stress? I was talking to my friend of many years, who came just came back from Hawaii just for the Grammy's and flies back to Dubai because he just got the green light on his movies. He asked me to become a ''co-producer.'' I kindly declined, after how much he said I would make. Money turns people dark, unhappy, ungrateful and soul-less. He remembered everything about anything I've told him and surely I can say, I hardly remember what I spoken to him about. I apologize if you end up reading this but you gave me an insight on what I should look into a friend, how loyalty and trust is earned and friendship should never be about give and take. I've been acquaintances with a whole lot of people but to call people friends, whom I love without any question - would be only family. Then, it would be the extended family. I care about those acquaintances, but caring about the draining type of people- I just can't. I've realized, I've drained myself for caring for those who drain themselves of the booze, the drugs and so much more. I've been partying since I was 15 so for me those days are way over for me. It's weird, I feel on vibes more than anything, so when I'm around you and your vibe and it is coming at me at such level I can't seem to be more than uninterested in your story telling crap. Instead, take a walk, breathe a little, scream a little into your pillow and remember, you won't ever have it as bad as others do have it on the side of world. I've had the pleasure to meet people who've came to America and still solely take of their family in another continent. For just being able to meet these type of people, I am more than humbled and extremely impressed for all that you are and for that you will achieve. I'm not perfect and I've wandered here and there but if you're judging- please take a step back and look at your own flaws. Anyways, just an update - I'm okay, I'm more than okay. I'm alive.
